Disciplining toddlers can be a delicate balance, especially when they are just starting to explore their boundaries. For parents seeking effective yet gentle methods, particularly for young children who can be easily redirected, the “Uh Oh Song” emerges as a surprisingly powerful technique.
I recall vividly when the “Uh oh song” became a game-changer in our household. Our daughter had just mastered walking, a milestone that brought both immense joy and new parenting challenges. It was a phase of delightful discovery as she blossomed into a little girl, but also a time of constant vigilance as her newfound mobility led her into mischief and a knack for exploring off-limits items.
It was the Christmas season, and we had just adorned our tree with beautiful ornaments, a sparkling centerpiece of our festive home. Moments later, our curious toddler approached the tree and, with determined little hands, detached a delicate glass ornament. We gently told her “no,” and carefully rehung the ornament. She responded with a giggle, a typical toddler reaction, and promptly removed it again. This time, our “no” was firmer as we removed the ornament, placed it back on the tree, and guided her to the kitchen, hoping for a change of scenery. However, her determination was unwavering. She toddled right back to the living room, straight to the tree, and once again, the ornament was in her grasp. Frustration began to creep in as we realized our usual parenting approaches were ineffective against this tiny force of will.
Instead of resorting to anger or harsher methods, we remembered a Love and Logic technique – the “Uh oh song.” Taking the ornament from her grasp, we explained calmly, “This is a ‘no, no.'” We placed it back on the branch, knowing what was likely to happen next. Within seconds, as predicted, the ornament was back in her hand. This time, adopting a tone of gentle sadness, I said, “Uh oh, this is so sad.” I picked her up gently, carried her to her room, and closed the door. A minute of soft crying followed, and I waited just outside, my heart empathetic to her distress. Then, I opened the door, arms outstretched, and asked softly, “Would you like to come be with us?” She immediately walked into my embrace, a comforting hug exchanged. I didn’t mention the ornament, simply offered comfort and connection. After a moment, I put her back down.
Inevitably, she returned to the tree, and just as before, reached for an ornament. I repeated the “Uh oh, this is so sad,” sequence with the same gentle sadness. Back to her room she went, and again, I welcomed her back with open arms shortly after. Remarkably, after repeating this cycle only about three times, a shift occurred. She stopped touching the ornaments, and they remained undisturbed on the tree for the rest of Christmas.
The magic of the “Uh oh song,” and indeed any effective discipline technique, lies in prioritizing empathy and expressing sadness for the child before implementing the consequence. Disciplining with anger or frustration often backfires, escalating misbehavior and damaging the parent-child bond. This technique resonates deeply with children who have secure attachments to their parents because their greatest desire is to be close to them. Consequently, time spent away from their parents becomes an undesirable experience, a natural consequence that encourages better behavior. Conversely, if a child seems indifferent to being separated from a parent, preferring solitude in their room, it may signal a need to strengthen the parent-child relationship.
Shiloh Lundahl LCSW, a child and family therapist, expert in parenting techniques like the Uh Oh Song
Shiloh Lundahl, LCSW, is a respected child and family therapist based in Gilbert and Mesa, Arizona. He is the founder of Parent Arizona and Counseling Services and is affiliated with the Arizona Family Institute.
He leads parenting classes grounded in the Love and Logic curriculum, offers specialized classes for parents of children with ADHD, provides step-parenting classes, and conducts advanced trainings for foster and adoptive parents. Additionally, he offers in-home therapy services across Gilbert, Mesa, Queen Creek, San Tan Valley, Chandler, and Tempe, Arizona.
