My journey with Taylor Swift’s music is, to put it mildly, complex. It’s a relationship that began unexpectedly in 2015 when I surprised my daughter with tickets to her “1989 World Tour.” Like many, I was caught up in the Swiftie phenomenon, eager to experience the concert and share a special moment with my daughter. We even went all-out with the red lipstick, ready for a memorable night. However, our entry into the concert was far from smooth. Our tickets, purchased from a third-party site to save a few dollars, turned out to be fake. After an embarrassing trek through the arena’s underbelly, we were faced with a choice: drastically overpay for decent seats or settle for being practically behind the stage. We chose the nosebleeds.
Despite the disastrous start, the music eventually won me over. “Shake it Off” became my anthem for the night, and I managed to enjoy the show with my daughter. Back then, my relationship with Taylor Swift’s music was simpler. While I might not have fully embraced her public persona, I could appreciate her catchy tunes and share that experience with my child without much reservation. But times have changed, both in the world and in Swift’s musical landscape. This shift is strikingly evident in her latest album, “The Tortured Poets Department.”
This new album marks a significant departure, delving into darker, more mature themes. Yet, it still holds a powerful allure for younger listeners. Now that my younger daughters are the same age my eldest was at that concert, I find myself grappling with different questions about supporting Swift’s work. Listening to her music now feels like a conscious moral decision. What impact will these songs have on my girls? How will they process a young woman singing about a lifestyle that seems to actively reject traditional values? Even with a strong foundation, can they truly discern the subtle and not-so-subtle messages embedded in Swift’s lyrics?
Navigating Media Influence in the Age of Swift
As parents, we’re all navigating the complexities of media influence, both for ourselves and our children. The constant barrage of information demands split-second judgments: Is this good? Is this true? Is this helpful? While some decisions are straightforward, the cultural weight of figures like Taylor Swift makes it harder to simply dismiss or ignore. For parents, especially those with Christian values, the question becomes: Does her music align with our beliefs? Does it promote the values we want to instill? How does it measure against our understanding of scripture? And once we’ve answered those questions for ourselves, how do we guide our children to listen with discernment?
It’s a significant challenge to ask teenagers to differentiate between a catchy melody and potentially problematic messages. They need our guidance, even if they don’t always acknowledge it. Often, our instinct is to approach this topic defensively, ready for a confrontation. However, this approach can immediately put teens on edge and hinder meaningful conversation. We need wisdom and grace to reason with them, to gently guide them towards biblical principles, and to foster their own discernment.
7 Ways to Foster Discernment in Your Teen’s Music Choices
1. Begin with Prayer
Before initiating any conversation about music or media choices, start with prayer. James 1:5 reminds us to ask God for wisdom, and He promises to give generously. Pray for the right timing, the appropriate setting, and most importantly, for your teen’s heart to be open to your guidance (Proverbs 4:20).
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Instead of launching into criticisms, try asking questions like: “What do you enjoy about this song?” “What do you think the lyrics are trying to say?” or “What do you think would happen if someone actually lived out the message of this song?” These questions encourage them to articulate their own perspectives and critically examine the content they consume. Sometimes, verbalizing their thoughts can lead to their own moments of realization.
3. Practice Empathetic Listening
It can be tough, but try to listen to the music your teen enjoys without immediate judgment. Avoid negative reactions like grimacing, sighing, or eye-rolling. Let them explain the song’s meaning to you. Before pointing out potential issues, try to find something you can genuinely appreciate about the song. Then, calmly discuss any concerns you have and explain your reasoning.
4. Guide, Don’t Lecture
Avoid preaching or simply dictating what they should or shouldn’t listen to. If they are Christians, ask them, “How does this align with what God’s Word teaches?” If they aren’t, use this as an opportunity to discuss the differences between right and wrong, truth and falsehood, and positive and negative influences. Gently steer the conversation towards a deeper understanding of the lyrics and their implications.
5. Set Boundaries, Not Bans (Consider Filters)
While outright bans can sometimes backfire and increase the allure of forbidden content (think of the Garden of Eden), setting reasonable boundaries is important. Completely forbidding teenagers from listening to Taylor Swift in today’s culture might be unrealistic, given her pervasive presence. However, with her new album containing explicit language, parental controls and content filters become valuable tools. Focus on maintaining open communication while implementing practical safeguards.
6. Offer Positive Alternatives
Music is a wonderful gift, and your children should see you enjoying it too! Explore and discover music together as a family. With vast digital libraries at our fingertips, find genres and artists you can all appreciate. Attend concerts or music events together and create shared positive musical experiences.
7. Live Authentically in Your Faith
One of Taylor Swift’s new songs includes lyrics that express frustration with judgmental attitudes:
God save the most judgmental creeps
Who say they want what’s best for me
Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I’ll never see
Thinking it can change the beat
Of my heart when he touches me
This highlights a crucial point: if the version of Christianity Swift has encountered is one of hypocrisy and judgment, it’s understandable why she might express such sentiments. Teenagers are adept at spotting inauthenticity. Being part of a church that genuinely embodies grace, humility, and the love of Christ is vital. Let your children witness your own worship, your seeking forgiveness, and your genuine faith in action. Over time, they will recognize authentic faith, not just empty pronouncements.
Knowing All Too Well
Taylor Swift is no stranger to complicated relationships, famously declaring, “We are never ever getting back together.” While I’m not ready to completely dismiss her music – I still appreciate her older songs and acknowledge her talent – the common ground her music once provided with my children is undeniably shrinking, which is bittersweet.
Many young people aspire to the kind of fame, fortune, and adoration Taylor Swift embodies. However, the lifestyle depicted in her songs often seems to lead to heartbreak and disillusionment, a reality she may even recognize herself. As parents, we desire something deeper and more lasting for our children.
As John Piper wisely said, “I believe with all my heart that what the world needs is radically bold, sacrificially loving, God-besotted freaks–aliens. In other words, I am inviting you to say no to the world for the sake of the world. The world does not need more cool, hip, culturally savvy, irrelevant copies of itself. That is a hoax that thousands of young Christians have been duped by.”
Taylor Swift undeniably possesses that “cool, hip, culturally savvy vibe,” making her both captivating and potentially influential. We need discernment not just in what we listen to, but also in how we raise the next generation. The world doesn’t need more Taylor Swifts filling stadiums; it needs young people who are passionately devoted to Jesus, who are sold out for something far more significant than fleeting fame.
This is a truth we, as parents, need to know all too well.
Cara
P.S. Looking for encouragement and growth in your faith journey? Subscribe below for more insights.
