My name is Nancy Gustafson, and my mother lived with advanced dementia. Like many, I witnessed firsthand how profoundly dementia and Alzheimer’s disease disrupt fundamental human abilities, most heartbreakingly, communication. The inability to connect, to converse, to simply feel understood – this is a devastating aspect of the disease for both the individual and their loved ones.
During a visit to my mother’s Memory Care unit in Costa Mesa, CA, in October 2014, I was struck by the rapid decline in her condition. She sat in her wheelchair, a shadow of her former self, unable to recognize me or engage in any meaningful interaction. Lost in her own world, she couldn’t formulate thoughts or string words together. It was a moment of profound sadness, watching my vibrant mother slip further away.
Driven by a desperate hope to reach her, I turned to music. Though the piano was never my forte, I began to play familiar Christmas carols. Hesitantly at first, and then with increasing confidence, Mom started to sing along, seemingly undeterred by my less-than-perfect piano skills. After about fifteen minutes, I turned to her, and to my astonishment, she remarked, “You know that’s not very good.”
Nancy Gustafson and her mother, showcasing a heartfelt moment of connection through music, demonstrating the power of songs by heart in dementia care.
Relief and joy washed over me. It wasn’t just words; it was a genuine, honest thought, expressed with her characteristic candor. We both laughed, and I promised to choose simpler songs. We continued our sing-along, sticking to the Key of C for my sake! After a few more “Songs By Heart,” I looked at Mom again. She was still singing, still engaged, and this time she said, “You’re getting better.”
Humor and connection sparked between us. I jokingly suggested that with enough practice, we could become a Christmas carol duo in shopping malls, “The Gustafson Family Singers,” and earn some money. Without hesitation, she played along, “Yeah, the Gustafson family singers.”
In that precious moment of shared laughter and song, I realized the profound impact of music, particularly familiar “songs by heart.” I couldn’t bear the thought of another day passing with my mother, and others like her, isolated and disconnected, lost in the shadows of dementia.
Music possesses an extraordinary ability to bridge the gaps created by memory loss, fostering connection, joy, and a sense of self. This experience ignited a passion in me to create a program, a way to harness the power of “songs by heart” to enrich the lives of individuals like my mother, every single day. To bring back moments of clarity, connection, and joy through the simple act of singing songs by heart.
