Everyone loves a housewarming party, right? Inviting friends over to celebrate your new digs, sharing good times, and maybe receiving a thoughtful housewarming gift or two. When I invited Elton John and Bernie Taupin to my party, I was definitely looking forward to a memorable evening. And memorable it was, just not in the way I anticipated. You see, they told me I could tell everyone – Elton John’s “Your Song” was, supposedly, written for me.
Now, before you jump to conclusions about grand romantic gestures, let’s set the record straight. This wasn’t some movie-moment serenade under the moonlight. This was a housewarming gift. Yes, you read that correctly. Elton John and Bernie Taupin, the legendary duo, decided that the perfect present for my new home was… “Your Song.”
I know, I know, it sounds incredible on paper. A song! By Elton John! But let’s rewind for a second. When you ask someone to bring something to a housewarming party, and you specifically say “could you bring ice?”, you kind of expect ice. Especially when drinks are getting lukewarm and the party is in full swing.
Don’t get me wrong, “Your Song” is a beautiful melody. Timeless, even. But at that moment, staring at two music icons grinning at their piano-side gift reveal, all I could think was, “Where’s the ice?” A cheap bottle of wine would have been more practical, honestly. A song? What earthly good is a song when your guests are thirsty?
“Hey, where’s the ice?” I blurted out, probably sounding less than grateful. They’d promised, after all. Elton and Bernie exchanged a look, a little theatrical, and announced, “Oh, actually, we got you something else!” Then they gestured towards the piano, like some magicians about to pull a rabbit out of a hat. My carefully curated party playlist, which was just hitting its stride with “Love Shack,” screeched to a halt. Vibe officially disrupted.
Look, I’m not ungrateful in general. But a gift should, you know, feel a little personal. “Your Song”? It’s called Your Song. Generic much? Daniel got his name in his song, for crying out loud! It’s right there in the title! So, clearly, they aren’t opposed to personalization. Just ask Bennie and the Jets, or Susie, or Tony Danza. They all got name-checks.
“Your Song” just felt…impersonal. Dare I say, a regift? A one-size-fits-all musical…thing. And then the suspicion hit me. Had I been regifted? After all, Elton famously, and perhaps a tad controversially, regifted Marilyn Monroe’s song to Princess Diana. Suddenly, “Your Song” felt less like a unique offering and more like a musical hand-me-down.
My suspicions grew. A bit of discreet party chatter revealed a disturbing pattern. Apparently, “Your Song” is Elton and Bernie’s go-to gift for everything. Secret Santa? “Your Song.” Engagement party? “Your Song.” Dog’s seventh birthday? You guessed it: “Your Song.” It’s bordering on insulting. I didn’t even particularly want the song, but if I’m getting it, I certainly don’t want to think it’s the same song they’re giving to a Pomeranian named Princess Fluffybutt.
And the audacity! They encourage the recipients to spread the word! “Oh, you can tell everybody that this is your song!” Do they not realize the potential for chaos? How many awkward encounters, how many passive-aggressive social media posts, how many full-blown arguments have erupted over shared ownership of “Your Song”? It’s utterly irresponsible.
I’m truly not materialistic. All I wanted was ice. Ice! A basic party essential. Instead, I got a song. From Elton John. Who, last I checked, wasn’t exactly struggling financially. He sings about not having much money in the song, but “Lion King” royalties suggest otherwise. If I was getting a song, couldn’t I at least get something a little more upbeat? “Hakuna Matata,” perhaps? Is there some kind of gift exchange policy in the world of celebrity housewarming presents?
At the very least, I think I deserve a cut of the royalties. Elton himself said it – this is my song. Right? Royalties would certainly help ensure I’m never caught ice-less at a party again. Maybe then, “Your Song” could finally be the gift that keeps on giving…even if it’s just the gift of properly chilled beverages.
