Ed Sheeran’s global hit, “Thinking Out Loud,” released nearly four years ago, continues to resonate deeply with audiences worldwide. This soulful ballad, a heartfelt expression of enduring and unconditional love, has garnered over 2 billion views on YouTube and inspired countless covers across genres, from country to reggae. Its pervasive appeal even extends to children, as I first encountered it on KidzBop, my daughter’s preferred radio station. But what is the secret to its enduring popularity? It’s more than just the catchy rhythm or Ed Sheeran’s passionate vocals; it’s the song’s profound emotional honesty. You can listen to it here.
From my perspective as a psychiatrist immersed in the art of psychotherapy, “Thinking Out Loud” immediately captured my attention with its title. In therapy sessions, I often witness individuals engaging in a stream of consciousness, a raw and unfiltered expression of their inner thoughts, much like “thinking out loud.” This vulnerability allows me a privileged glimpse into their internal world, their deepest experiences and emotions laid bare.
My journey working with exceptionally courageous men in therapy has been profoundly enlightening. One key insight I’ve gained is how frequently women may misinterpret the emotional landscape of the men they love. I use the word “courageous” intentionally, because in a culture that often conditions men to suppress emotions, baring one’s heart to a woman takes genuine bravery. To these men, I extend my heartfelt gratitude. You understand who you are.
What these men have taught me is the immense value they place on emotional tenderness and the deep longing they harbor for it within the security of a committed relationship. For women who have experienced betrayal or mistreatment, this may be a challenging concept to accept. However, emotionally mature men will attest to the emptiness of a superficial lifestyle and the unparalleled value of the love and devotion of a truly cherished partner.
Listening to “Thinking Out Loud,” I recognize the very themes that frequently surface in my therapy sessions. This song encapsulates the essence of what men seek in relationships. They yearn to be loved and accepted in every phase of their lives – through times of strength and vulnerability, prosperity and hardship, youth and aging. They desire to please their partners, to be seen as admirable and loving, and to be held in fond regard. Trust is paramount to them. Often, when a man discovers a woman he deeply values, he wholeheartedly commits to her, often instantaneously, regardless of outward expression. This is particularly true when a man finds his love early in life or after overcoming heartbreak. They want their partners to know they are committed for the long run. They are captivated by loyalty, by femininity, and by unwavering acceptance. They desire to offer support and protection, but also deeply need to feel supported and nurtured in return. Abandonment, disbelief, or rejection are profoundly devastating to them.
We inadvertently disadvantage our young boys. Research indicates that male infants tend to maintain eye contact for shorter durations than female infants, leading parents to engage in less face-to-face interaction with them from a very early age. This disparity may contribute to a subconscious craving for emotional intimacy in boys as they grow. This intimacy can feel elusive, and men may struggle to understand how to achieve or nurture it once found. When a woman they love expresses dissatisfaction or offers constructive criticism, it can be deeply wounding. Due to societal conditioning, men often find it challenging to process criticism from their partners. Instead of hearing the intended message, they may experience overwhelming shame and inadequacy, particularly when faced with relationship discussions. This can feel like a confirmation of failure in intimacy, potentially leading to feelings of hopelessness, even though they deeply desire connection. It’s a sobering fact that men’s lifespans are demonstrably shortened after divorce, underscoring the profound significance women hold in their lives.
Ed Sheeran is certainly not the first artist to express heartfelt devotion to a woman’s love. However, the phrase “I’m thinking out loud” is particularly poignant. It suggests, “I’m allowing you access to my innermost thoughts.” This act of vulnerability is not easy, especially for men.
Therefore, for women who cherish a worthy man in their life, investing time in understanding the nature of a man in love is invaluable. Be present for him. Offer him a safe and supportive space, a refuge from the challenges of life and misunderstandings. Embrace him with love and understanding.
We encourage you to share your thoughts. Have you experienced growth in your love and understanding of the man in your life? Share your insights and inspire others!
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