Last week, while revisiting an old journal from the fall of 2004, I stumbled upon a hilarious relic from my past: a 7-page entry filled with 75 verses dedicated to the Diarrhea Song. Sitting in my quiet space, a wave of laughter suddenly washed over me as I reread these silly rhymes. It struck me that this comedic gem was too good to keep to myself, so I decided to share some of the best verses with you.
Now, let’s be clear: if toilet humor, bathroom antics, or poop jokes aren’t your cup of tea, this might be where you politely exit. There are plenty of other blog posts for the more intellectually inclined, practically minded, or inspiration-seeking reader in my archives. But today, we are diving headfirst into the world of shits and giggles – literally.
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt smiling confidently
The Diarrhea Song is a classic for a reason. It’s a timeless piece of potty humor that has tickled funny bones across generations. Kids find it uproariously funny, and adults who haven’t lost their inner child often do too. Sharing these verses with my sister resulted in uncontrollable laughter, and even my husband, despite his initial eye-rolling, couldn’t help but chuckle at the cleverer lines. Let’s face it, there’s something inherently funny about poop, farts, and those mortifying, yet universally experienced, bathroom mishaps (especially once the initial embarrassment fades).
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt posing outdoors
Before we proceed, make sure you’re familiar with the tune I’m talking about. You should be singing it in your head as you read these verses to truly appreciate the comedic timing.
Some people think it’s funny, but it’s really brown and runny. Diarrhea, Pbllbp, Pbllbp. Diarrhea, Pbllbp, Pbllbp.
The Diarrhea Song
I’m not entirely sure how to accurately type out the sound of those two quick, wet, and distinctly unpleasant farts, but it involves some tongue curling and blowing air. Try it. Now you’re ready to sing along! Let’s explore some of the most memorable verses from my 2004 masterpiece:
- When you’re climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter. Diarrhea…
- When you go out trick-or-treating and you’re wearing what you’re eating. Diarrhea…
- When you’re walking ‘round the town and your underwear turns brown. Diarrhea…
- When you’re sitting in a chair and you have an anal scare. Diarrhea…
- When you’re climbing up the stairs and you stain your underwear. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt standing against brick wall
- When you’re sitting in a class and you pee out of your ass. Diarrhea…
- When you’re lying in your bed and you feel a turtlehead. Diarrhea…
- When you’re playing with your cat and you feel a giant splat. Diarrhea…
- When you’re talking to your fish and your heiny starts to squish. Diarrhea…
- When you’re walking around the zoo and you have uncontrollable poo. Diarrhea…
- When you’re visiting the monkeys and your heiny’s feeling chunky. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt posing with hands in pockets
- When you’re hanging with your mom and your heiny drops a bomb. Diarrhea…
- When you’re painting Easter eggs and something’s dripping down your legs. Diarrhea…
- When you’re eating dogs at Geekers and something’s filling up your sneakers. Diarrhea… (Geekers is a local hot dog haven in my hometown).
- When you’re fishing at the docks and something’s filling up your socks. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt leaning against a tree
- When you’re turning off the light and your butt starts clenching tight. Diarrhea…
- When you’re running to the head and you crap your pants instead. Diarrhea…
- When the toilet is your goal but you can’t make it to the bowl. Diarrhea…
- You know have an issue when you’re out of toilet tissue. Diarrhea…
- When you’re at the bar a’drinking and something starts a’stinking. Diarrhea…
- When you’re digging in the dirt and you feel something squirt. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt standing with legs apart
- When you’re driving in the car and your undies turn to tar. Diarrhea…
- When you’re driving in a truck and your pants fill up with muck. Diarrhea…
- You know you’ve lost all power when it comes out in the shower. Diarrhea…
- You’re gonna start a’bitching when it comes out in the kitchen. Diarrhea…
- You know you’re in a mess when you poop on your best dress. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt looking over shoulder
- You know you’re in some trouble when your heiny starts to bubble. Diarrhea…
- When you’re racing for your home and your heiny starts to foam. Diarrhea…
- When your stomach starts to cramp and your underwear feel damp. Diarrhea…
- When you’re swimming in the river and your tummy starts to quiver. Diarrhea…
- You know it’s really mean when you crap in someone else’s jeans. Diarrhea…
- You need to say you’re sorry when it happens at someone else’s party. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt smiling slightly
- When your belly starts to ache and your heiny starts to quake. Diarrhea…
- You get a sudden hunch when you’re wearing today’s lunch. Diarrhea…
- When you feel something slimy oozing out of your heiny. Diarrhea…
- When you had some peas to eat and they’re dripping to your feet. Diarrhea…
- When you’re eating in a diner and something’s poking out your heiner. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt looking down
- When you have to scream and shout because it’s forcing its way out. Diarrhea…
- When you start to do a dance because you’re about to poop your pants. Diarrhea…
- It really is the pits when you have the runny shits. Diarrhea…
- When you’re flying in a chopper and you really need a hopper. Diarrhea…
- You know you’ve reached the end when you shit on your best friend. Diarrhea…
- And my newest verse, inspired by current events… When you’re coughing up your lungs and you get the coronavirus runs. Diarrhea…
Woman in camo jacket and leather skirt looking serious
So there you have it – a glimpse into the slightly unhinged corners of my mind. Perhaps I have lost it completely, or maybe just the last shred of it that was hanging on six weeks ago. But hopefully, I managed to bring a smile to your face today.
Which verses resonated with you the most? Do you have any original Diarrhea Song verses to contribute? Please share them in the comments below! We could all use a little more laughter, and as they say, you can never have too much of a good laugh (or good potty humor).
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
